My apologies for the redundancy of the last two Monday Rants folks, but a few issues related to Miller Lite have just blown my mind. Last week I explained the stupidity of getting excited over the new release of Miller 64, this week it's the hilarity concerning Miller's new punch top can.
A punch top can. What a revelation to the beer industry. Now, frat boys across college campuses from here to the Pacific Ocean can now easily puncture the new perforated beer cans for a "smoother pour." Am I insane or is this "innovation" nothing but an easily shotgun-able beer?
How many more people are going to flock to crappy beer like sheep because the major American beer companies keep adding silly things to their cans and bottles? I'm so excited that your can or bottle turns blue when it's cold enough. Don't you realize that a good percentage of the beer's flavor is lost when you drink it extremely cold? At least let it get a bit closer to room temperature.
Hooray! Your favorite beer company crafted a bottle with scientific grooves in the stem to make your beer more fizzy! I prefer a natural head on my beer, not one with artificial help.
Now we have an easily-punched can that enables your beer to be poured smoother. Being a craft beer follower, I'm glad that craft breweries don't advertise the container its beer is being served in, but advertising the actual product it makes.
Why would you even want the beer to come out of the can easier and with increased speed? Can't you consume your beer at the normal consumption rate like the rest of the human race? Isn't the whole point of trying new beers to actually savor every drop and actually taste the concoction?
Good Lord, what's so great about a can anyways? Everything that's in a can just tastes odd from a can. At least pour it into a glass to relieve your tongue of the aluminum beating it's about to go through.
No comments:
Post a Comment