Monday Rant: What the Hell is on Your Face?

I remember exactly where I was when I came up with the idea to do this series of posts at the beginning of each week. I was sitting in Slippery Rock University's Bailey Library ready to write about something concerning my feelings towards malt liquor. Well, it looks like the Monday Rant that I write each week has spread a few wings.

Justin over at Justin's Brew Review, one of my online beer friends, has taken it upon himself to partake in the young tradition of writing beer rants. His subject? Miller Lite's claim of having a beer that's "triple hops brewed."

For the last few years I've found myself confused when hearing such a phrase during Miller Light commercials on television. I'm sure you have, too. The ironic thing is that the majority of us craft folk had to have Miller Lite at some point to know that it's not really that tasty. To be honest, I don't see where the hell they were going when they decided to start throwing that phrase out there. I don't get a sense of much hops at all with my experiences with Miller Lite. To quote one of my uncles, it tastes more like rusty water.

I have a friend that is a blue collar person. He enjoys drinking Miller Lite, Blue Moon etc. To each his own. I once took him to a local craft pub. He had about three beers. One of which I remember being Oskar Blues G'Knight. The other was called Farmer's Tan, but I don't remember who made it. About half way through this drinking session my friend developed a runny nose. He started sneezing. He also had hives break out on his face and neck.

It turns out he is allergic to hops. Go figure. Triple hopped? More like triple riced. The good news is that he ended up actually appreciating some craft offerings.
 

Monday Rant: Beer Crusades

In the world of craft beer blogs, when the major American brewers are mentioned in someone's post (even on this blog) it's usually in a negative light. To be honest, we aren't the country's biggest fans of Coors, Miller, Budweiser etc. That especially goes for those of us that indulge in the many craft offerings we regularly enjoy.

Sometimes the attitude some in the craft community cause some of us to hide some of our feelings towards certain companies and some beers. I know there are some of you out there that will agree with what I'm about to say.

I sometimes get the feeling that craft beer has formed into its own persecuting society. I feel that if you don't like a certain type or a particular beer that you sometimes would get a reaction to the sort of "how dare you not like this beer!" It's kind of like living during the time of the Christian Crusades, although not to such a violent extent. When I want to write a piece like this (saying I don't enjoy really hoppy brews or a small nice thing about a major American brewer) it takes me some time to actually get it done in fear that many craft fans will be quick on the trigger.

When it comes to beer in America, I can sometimes go for a product from one of the American majors. I can sometimes go for a Coors Original Banquet Beer. There I said it. I don't think it's the worst thing out there. Before you want to crucify me know that I've always made it clear that beers like Coors Light, Miller Lite and Bud are abominations to brewing. The allegations that Budweiser might have been watering down its product might even shed light on what a lot of us have been saying for years. Those taste like watered-down soggy bread.

I'm not saying Coors Banquet is one of the great beer sin existence. In fact, it's far from that. What if you were in a situation where there wasn't a lot of craft offerings and a beer like Coors Banquet was there? What I'm saying is that once in a while a beer as such can be a decent fall-back when you can't have something that's outstanding and memorable. I was presented with such a dilemma while at the North Shore's Stage AE. It was all Miller and Coors products. If given the choices of something like a Lagunitas IPA, a Troegs Sunshine Pils and Coors Banquet the last beer named wouldn't stand a chance. I don't believe Banquet is that low on the American totem poll. I've never seen a ton of people in dive bars while in college downing pitchers of Banquet. It was always Coors Light.

As I've always said on this blog, I hold no biases when it comes to the beer I drink. I don't hold grudges against certain breweries. If you can pull off a good beer I'm very appreciative. If I don't like it that doesn't mean the entire world has to either. I've also been a bad critic of American beer advertising. I hate the Bud Light Pitbull ads. i hate the Coors Light train in the ice age ads. Banquet, on the other hand, has the voice of Sam Elliot. I have to give props to that. Sam Elliot makes a lot of things better on television and in movies. It's still not on par with the Breckenridge Truth in Beervertising ads, but it's not bad.

Don't worry. I still really love all of the craft breweries out there and the beers that are offered. For tomorrow's post I'm planning on a small list of my favorite craft brews that are made locally here in Pittsburgh! So, it'll be back to praising great craft breweries as usual.

A Long Time Ago in a Brewery Far, Far Away

I sure hope you get the reference in the title I chose for this post. If you don't, we might have to have a sit down and watch a few of my favorite movies. It wasn't that long ago that Dogfish Head Craft Brewery Owner Sam Calagione went off on a few Beer Advocate message board geeks about overrated breweries.

Well, we have yet another edition of angry craft brewers as Lagunitas Brewing owner/founder Tony Magee had a bit of a Twitter tirade towards Miller Coors and A-B InBev earlier this week. You can read all about it over at Beer Pulse.

I love it when someone in a higher position makes their voices be heard sometimes, but I'm not totally sure Magee has anything to stand on with this one. Maybe it's just my opinion. Who knows?

I'm not totally sure the big-time American brewing corporations are completely against the smaller craft brewers anymore. I think that they are fully aware of how fast some of these breweries are growing in size and popularity and that they know they need to maintain somewhat of a good relationship with them. It could be that or you could say that maybe all of the recent purchases of breweries by the big boys might mean the exact opposite.

I'm certainly not an economic expert on the beer industry. That's for sure.

Monday Rant: Everything Tastes Odd From a Can

My apologies for the redundancy of the last two Monday Rants folks, but a few issues related to Miller Lite have just blown my mind. Last week I explained the stupidity of getting excited over the new release of Miller 64, this week it's the hilarity concerning Miller's new punch top can.

A punch top can. What a revelation to the beer industry. Now, frat boys across college campuses from here to the Pacific Ocean can now easily puncture the new perforated beer cans for a "smoother pour." Am I insane or is this "innovation" nothing but an easily shotgun-able beer?

How many more people are going to flock to crappy beer like sheep because the major American beer companies keep adding silly things to their cans and bottles? I'm so excited that your can or bottle turns blue when it's cold enough. Don't you realize that a good percentage of the beer's flavor is lost when you drink it extremely cold? At least let it get a bit closer to room temperature.

Hooray! Your favorite beer company crafted a bottle with scientific grooves in the stem to make your beer more fizzy! I prefer a natural head on my beer, not one with artificial help.

Now we have an easily-punched can that enables your beer to be poured smoother. Being a craft beer follower, I'm glad that craft breweries don't advertise the container its beer is being served in, but advertising the actual product it makes.

Why would you even want the beer to come out of the can easier and with increased speed? Can't you consume your beer at the normal consumption rate like the rest of the human race? Isn't the whole point of trying new beers to actually savor every drop and actually taste the concoction?

Good Lord, what's so great about a can anyways? Everything that's in a can just tastes odd from a can. At least pour it into a glass to relieve your tongue of the aluminum beating it's about to go through.